The Bog Wog

Ever hear of a swamp creature that’s part dog, part hog and not a big fan of wicked kids? We now introduce you to The Bog Wog! Written and Told by David Hirt. Special thanks to ARTStation for letting us use this video.

Some things is so mean and evil most folks don’t even want to say their name out loud… they say it only attracts them. I’m a gonna tell you about a critter just like that. Folks say it was the most fierce some creature there ever was.

The critter I’m a talking about looks kinda like a big ole wild dog in the back, has a face like a big ole wild hog, long pointy ears, and a green tongue forked like a snake’s. When you cross a wild dog and a wild hog, you git a wog. And he was called a Bog Wog, on account of him a’livin’ in the swamp.

But here goes, and don’t be scared… well you best be scared… but not too scared.

Anyhow, the Wog’s main job was to git rid of wicked little children.

Now I don’t mean children that wouldn’t eat their vegetables, or children that would want to stay past bed time… ..I am talking about children so mean even the devil himself was to come across them he’d head for Hades in heartbeat.

And there used to be two boys just like that round here. They was Gerald and Jerome Pottersmell. Twins they were. When they was first born people said their mommer was twice blessed… and by the time them boys was 2 people was saying their mommer was twice cursed.

The Pottersmell boys were so mean they once tied the high button shoe laces of the widow Williamston to the rockers of her old rocking chair and when she tried to stand up she got rocked back and took a flip head over tea-kettle and rocked herself right off the front porch. Why they even once tipped over the outhouse out back…

With their daddy still in it.

And all the while laughing like there was no tomorrow. Them boys was evil.

Well it didn’t take much for the Wog to get a nose full of their nonsense and he started sniffing and rooting around in the woods till he got a clean scent on them two boys and he started his trot out from the swamps…

Headed right for them.

And I’m here to tell you the outcome of that hunt is none-too pleasant.

Sometimes the Wog would just chomp on you and send you off a crying… or maybe he would just eat you whole. But mostly, he’d just stick that forked tongue through the shutters in your house and pull you right out and carry you off alive, never to be heard from again. Anyhow, the Wog was on the scent of the Pottersmell boys and they got wind of it. Now, they didn’t know the difference between being smart and being a smart-aleck, so they thought they could outsmart that Wog.

So they started planning. And, sure enough, here he come ‘bout midnight one night and they was ready for him. They was a laying there pretending to sleep when they seen it. That tongue come
slitherin’ through them shutters just like a green snake, kinda sniffing the air, like, headed right for the bed where they was laying.

Well, the boys grabbed one of their momma’s clothespins, put it on their noses, and grabbed a skunk they’d caught that afternoon. They held his tail up, right straight-like so’s it wouldn’t spray on ‘em, ‘til the Wog had a good hold on it and pulled it right through. They heard a snuffling and a snorting and then a awful howl and heard that Wog running off through the woods.

Next night, they’s ready again. And, sure ‘nuff, here he come, poking that forked tongue right through the chinks of the logs of their cabin. Gerald hopped out of bed, grabbed the tongs from the fireplace, and snatched out a red-hot coal. Here comes that tongue. Gerald dropped that red-hot coal right on that tongue and, lord’a mercy, you never heard such a howling and carrying on. Off the Wog went, off down to the river to cool off his tongue.

There he was back the next night. Jerome grabbed that tongue as it come through the shutters, wrapped it around the bedpost, and held tight as he could. Gerald run out the door, grabbed a gunny sack, and eased it around that Wog’s backside. Bout that time, Jerome let go. Snap, just like a rubber band, that tongue pulled back. Gerald tied up the sack and Jerome went runnin’ out to help.

They thought they had him, but they didn’t have the hole tied up tight enough and the wog poked that tongue out and wrapped it around the both of ‘em and wiggled out of that sack. They’s caught for sure now. Both of them boys started a hollerin’ “Mommer! Mommer!” And then they heard a awful racket coming from the house. Their mommer, bless her soul, come a’ runnin’ out with the chicken killin’ hatchet, saw what was going on, and chopped that Wog’s tongue right off. It went runnin’ off into the woods just a howlin’. The tongue just went wiggling and writhing into the woods after it.

Gerald and Jerome started a laughing and dancing around, celebratin’ cause they knew that Wog wouldn’t never come back. And then they saw the look in their momma’s eyes and straightened up. She whalloped them both good til they couldn’t set down for a week. Them two boys learned a good lesson that day. They learned that no matter how awful they’d been, their momma still loved ‘em. And, they learned that she’d protect ‘em. And, they learned that if the Wog run from their momma, maybe they ought to be afraid of her, too and act right.

Now if you’re ever out in the woods late at night up that-a-way, you might hear a lot of rootin’ and snufflin’. And you might see a green thing that looks kinda like a snake. Don’t worry none, it’s just the Wog— tryin’ to find his tongue.

-THE END-